hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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