just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
