Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
