last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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