Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
