he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
