The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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