I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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