So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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