We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
