capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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