her vagine was all disorganized.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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