Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
