And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
