I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
