You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
