he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
