No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
