I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
