'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
