whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude i'm inner monologue high
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
