That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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