are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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