So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
