Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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