Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
