Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
