rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
