come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
