weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
