I want to walk on stilts...naked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
