awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
