my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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