I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
