I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
