we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
