exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
