someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
