Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
