How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
