Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
