I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
