got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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