Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
