Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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