It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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