like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
