I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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