you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
