I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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